


Is This Seat Taken?

by Aldwynrynn



Category: Real Person Fiction, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Flashbacks, Flirting, My First Fanfic, References to Norse Religion & Lore, References to Shakespeare, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 09:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18246734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aldwynrynn/pseuds/Aldwynrynn
Summary: Tessa Alpin is a university Theology professor who moved to a new city in the last few years to avoid dealing with the sudden tragic death of her late husband. She lives with her gay male friend/roommate, but has few (if any) other close friendships. She is working on a writing project at a busy local cafe when she meets someone she didn't expect. He is curious about her writing - although truthfully, even more curious about her - so he invites her to dinner.





	1. A Chance Meeting

She sat at an outdoor table in a noisy, crowded coffee shop, ignoring all the chaos and voices surrounding her. She tapped the end of the pencil absentmindedly on the page of the yellow legal pad held in front of her, other pages of notes scattered about the table top, some crumpled, some smooth, others held down by empty coffee cups. Lost in thought, she didn’t notice him approach.  
“Is this seat taken?”  
Tessa jumped and glanced up at the voice, shielding her eyes against the glare of the sun. It didn’t help. All she could see is a tall, slim silhouette. She glanced around the busy patio. Standing room only, it seemed, except for the one empty chair across from her.  
“Sure,” she said, gathering handfuls of paper and stuffing them into her bag. “Sorry, let me get some of this mess out of your way.”  
“It’s no trouble,” the softly accented voice said, as he moved around the chair to sit. “What are you writing?”  
Oh, great, she thought, small talk. “Oh, nothing, really,” she said aloud. “It’s just bits of screenplays I’ve been working on for years. Nothing terribly interesting.” She still couldn’t see his face for the glare of the sun off of a parked car somewhere behind him. She bent over the legal pad again, hoping the small talk was over and he would simply drink his beverage and leave.  
“It sounds interesting to me,” he said. “What are they about?”  
“Ah. Well, they’re based off of Norse mythology mostly.” She chuckled self-depreciatively. “You probably don’t even know what that is. Sorry, I’m kind of a nerd.”   
“Actually, I do know a little about that mythology. Is there any part in particular you have interest in?” He took a sip of his drink and shifted slightly in his chair, but not enough that she could see his face clearly. He was casually dressed in jeans and a hoodie, but that’s all she could really see of him.  
Tessa put down her pen, hiding a small sigh. Usually when people said they knew the Norse stories, they were referring to the Marvel movies with Thor and Loki that came out a few years ago, which were delightful as far as cinematics go, but really not anything like the actual stories that were translated from the Eddas. But it was obvious that the gentleman across from her was feeling chatty and that she wasn’t going to get any more work done for moment. British, she thought, his accent is British. I think.  
“All of it, really. I started writing these when the Marvel movies were hitting theatres. Those movies, while they were really good movies and very well casted, really had nothing to do with what we actually know of the Norse beliefs and stories. I guess I always dreamed of telling those stories a little more authentically, if not as flamboyantly as Hollywood would do it.”  
He chuckled at that. “Fair enough,” he said. “I agree with what you said. I’ve learned a fair amount about the stories too in the last while. I’d love to read what you’ve written sometime.”  
She demurred, embarrassed. “Oh, no,” she said, blushing. “It’s really just for my own fun. No one needs to waste their time trying to read my chicken scratch.”  
Just then, a large bus stopped on the street beside the patio, blocking the glare off the vehicle window across the street. She could finally see his features, a ball cap hiding reddish brown curls and shading his sapphire blue eyes. Across the table from her, smirking slightly, sat Tom Hiddleston.   
“Oh, no,” she breathed. “I’m so sorry – I couldn’t see your face for the sun – I didn’t mean…” Blushing profusely, she took a deep breath. “Honestly, I meant no offence. You were wonderful in the Marvel series.” She wanted to crawl under the table and die of embarrassment.  
He was grinning broadly now. “Thank you,” he said politely. “Although I must say, I still agree with you that the stories they told were nothing like what was translated from the Eddas. Which might be a good thing, really, in some ways. At least I didn’t have to tie my testicles to a goat’s beard.”  
In spite of herself, she laughed. He did know some of the stories at least. “I see your point, that might have been….uncomfortable for you.”  
Still smiling, he gave her an inscrutable look. “I have somewhere I need to be shortly, but I really would be interested in hearing more about your work.” He held up his hand as she tried to object. “Perhaps we could discuss it further over dinner? Say, tomorrow around 7? I haven’t your address so I’ll pick you up here?”  
Speechless, she nodded. He smiled at her again and walked away.

***

Chas looked up from the paper he was reading as she closed the apartment door behind her. “What happened to you?” he asked. “You look like you’ve been beaten with a loaf of bread.”  
She smiled at his unique analogy. He always had the most outrageous way with words. It was one reason they had become friends a number of years ago.  
“I think I might have been,” she admitted. “Actually, I think I have a date tomorrow night, and you’ll never guess with who.”  
“Oooh, I love it when stories start this way!” Chas tossed down the paper and bounced excitedly on the sofa, patting the seat beside him, indicating for her to sit. “And it must be some story if it ends up with you accepting a date. So, tell me all about this mysterious and alluring stranger.”  
Briefly, she told Chas about the encounter she’d had with Tom at the coffee shop. He laughed aloud when she told him exactly who it was she’d met.  
“Oh, Tess, leave it to you to try to chase off a would-be suitor with your imperious knowledge of all things nerdy,” he said, breathless with laughter. “Only to have the suitor be Tom Hiddleston himself!” Chas erupted into another fit of laughter, wiping his eyes.  
“I really don’t know how you find this so funny,” she smiled. “Now I have to go for dinner with him and talk about my work! You know I never really meant for anyone to read them! I barely let you read them!”  
Chas sobered up a little at that. “I think it’s an amazing chance, honestly. Who better to critique your work than the man who played Loki himself?” He grinned again. “And when movies based on your screenplays premiere in Hollywood in a few years, you can invite me! I promise I won’t show you up on the red carpet. Well, I’ll try not to anyway,” he said, smoothing an imaginary wrinkle out of the sleeve of his patterned purple dress shirt. With Chas’s colorful personality and dress, he’d have to try really hard to not show up everyone there, she thought.  
“That’s not going to happen!” she said, feigning outrage at the idea. “I mean, if it did, of course I’d take you, but - !” Fidgeting, she stood up and started tidying the already spotless table. “My plays are nothing but a barely cohesive collection of vague ideas. They’re not ready to be read, never mind by someone I don’t even know!”  
“Bah!” Chas dismissed her with a wave of his hand. “Your ideas are amazing! And if he doesn’t see that, he’s a no-talent nobody and doesn’t deserve your time.”  
“Chas!”  
Chas walked over and put his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him. “I’m serious, Tessa, you have real talent, and it shows in those plays. I think this is absolutely the fox’s fish, that they’ll be read by someone who actually works in the industry. Who knows where it could go from there?” he said, exaggeratedly shrugging his shoulders. “Now, get your things, we’re going shopping.”  
“We are?”  
“Well, of course we are darling, you need something to wear for your date!”

***

Sitting on the patio of the café the next evening, she felt awkward and overdressed. Her auburn hair was pulled into an elegant chignon, and Chas had helped her settle on a fitted black dress with lace on the shoulders and an open back. Over that she wore a soft grey knit shawl with tiny rainbow colored beads dripping from the bottom. Gods, how she hated being out of her comfort zone like this! He likely forgot as soon as he walked away, she thought grumpily. He’ll never show up. She was at the same time hopeful and worried that he wouldn’t.  
“You really need to stop glowering,” said Chas over his latte. “You’re curdling the steamed milk.” He took a sip. “You know, most people would be thrilled to be in your shoes tonight. I certainly would.”  
She sighed and tried to relax slightly. It didn’t work. “This is silly, Chas. Why am I here? You know I don’t date. He likely won’t even show….”  
Her words trailed off as an expensive looking vehicle pulled up to the curb. The rear door opened and a tall, well-dressed man got out.  
“That’s my cue,” Chas murmured, standing up and walking into the café. “Do try to have some fun tonight, would you? For me?”  
Tessa barely heard him. I can’t believe this is happening! She thought, her mouth dry with something approaching panic.  
Tom walked over to where she was standing and smiled. “You look lovely,” he said. A small crowd was beginning to gather, excitedly whispering to each other. A camera flashed behind him, blinding her momentarily.   
He saw her blink and offered his arm to her. “My apologies,” he murmured in her ear. “I’m afraid this is somewhat of a hazard of being seen in public with me. Shall we?”  
She ducked her head, suddenly feeling shy, and let him lead her to the car. At the curb she looked back into the restaurant, suddenly wishing Chas were coming with them. She felt completely out of her element. He saw her looking and waggled his fingers at them, grinning. Stupid! She berated herself. Since when do you need Chas to hold your hand? Or anyone for that matter?  
Tom followed her glance inquisitively. He saw Chas waving and waved back, then opened the car door for her. Several more camera flashes went off as she slid into the dark interior, and Tom followed. “A friend of yours I assume? He looks charming.”  
“Chas is my best friend and roommate,” she said. “We met at a writing event a few years ago, just after…that is, shortly after I began working at the university.” She looked out the window at the passing scenery, trying to compose herself.   
Tom was silent for a moment as he watched her, then laughed. “I’m truly embarrassed to say so, but I do believe I quite forgot to ask your name yesterday. Tom Hiddleston, at your service,” he held out his hand, his eyes twinkling with humour.   
Tessa took his offered hand. “Tessa Alpin,” she said.  
“Utterly charmed,” he whispered, kissing the back of her hand lightly. She blushed again and took her hand back. I haven’t blushed this much in literally years! She thought, upset with herself. What am I, fifteen again? Try not to make an absolute fool of yourself, Tessa. 

***

The restaurant was a small upscale place on the west side of the city overlooking the water. Tessa had never been anywhere quite so fancy before. She let the staff take her shawl before they were shown to a table near the windows. The city lights spread along the water’s edge to either side of them as the sun dipped low across the water. The first few stars were beginning to make their appearance in the sky.  
“What a view,” she commented, suddenly nervous as he held her chair for her.  
Tom smiled at her. “Indeed it is,” he said warmly, looking at her rather than out the window. She felt her cheeks warm again.  
Tom selected a wine for them and they ordered their meals. He was an attentive date, charming and funny, and despite herself Tessa began to relax. They talked and laughed about many things as they ate their delicious meals. As their plates were being unobtrusively cleared away, an easy silence settled between them.   
Darkness had fallen outside the windows, at least, as near to darkness as the city ever saw. “Tell me about yourself, Tessa,” Tom asked. “Have you always lived here?”  
A shadow crossed her features briefly. “No, I only moved here after…a few years ago,” she said. “When I was offered a job writing for the university here.” Don’t think of before, Tessa. All that matters is now. ”It’s beautiful here though, and I try to make it out into the mountains at least a few times a year.”  
“Yes, I love the area,” Tom said. “I haven’t spent much time here so far, but there’s a lot here to keep me coming back.” He smiled slightly and leaned back in his chair. “You know, skiing and surfing and, perhaps the coffee…”  
She laughed. “Perhaps,” she agreed.  
“Do you have family in the area as well?”  
There it was. The question she’d been dreading all evening. The one that made her avoid letting people close. Chas was the only person in her new life who knew all the details of the old.  
“Not nearby, no,” she wished she could leave it at that. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I have twin sons, both in college. They chose to stay when I moved here rather than change schools and leave their friends.” It had been a hard decision, for all three of them, when she had chosen to accept this job and move halfway across the country.  
“It must have been hard for you to leave them,” Tom said softly. “What of their father?”  
“He passed.”  
Tom was quiet for a moment. She waited for the awkward platitudes that always followed that admission, the looks of pity, the empty sympathy as people shied away from the less beautiful parts of life. “You have such strength,” he said finally. Surprised, she looked up. “You were dealt a terrible hand, no doubt about that. Yet you chose to move to a brand new place, away from everything familiar, and build anew. If that’s not strength, what is?”  
She thought about his words for a moment. To her it always felt more like cowardice, not strength, that found her running away from all of the dreams that had been shattered with a single phone call. Even if she had found new dreams when she got here.   
The band shifted into a slower song, and Tom stood. “Would you do me the honor of this dance?” he asked, holding his hand out to her.  
How could she refuse? He’d been so charming all evening, the perfect gentleman. She stood and took his hand and they walked onto the dance floor. As she moved into his arms, she became aware of how small her hand felt in his large one, his other hand resting lightly at the small of her back. And he was so tall! The soft hair of his carefully trimmed beard brushed her temple as they swayed gently to the music. Tessa found it hard to think of anything but his presence with him so close. She wasn’t sure she appreciated the sensation.  
The song ended and they made their way back to their table. Tessa found herself relieved at the physical distance across the table. She tried to put her thoughts back in order as Tom ordered coffees for them.  
“So you’ve said you work at the university here. Do you teach?”  
“Yes,” she answered, grateful for the safety of the topic. “I teach modern theology.”  
“Modern theology, like religion?” Tom asked.  
“Mmm, well, kind of?” Tessa thought how best to describe it. “It’s not that I’m teaching how or what to believe as far as religion goes, it’s more like comparing the differences and similarities of various religions around the world and throughout the ages. Where did they come from and why might a group of people have believed what they did, and where those beliefs may have come from.”  
“So almost world history in a way, too. Fascinating. That must be where the interest in the Norse comes from. How did you become interested in screenwriting?”  
She smiled a little. “Well that’s a relatively new thing. I’ve always loved theatre, and I’ve written books and dissertations and articles over the years for various topics. When I moved here and I didn’t know anyone I found myself with a lot of free hours to fill and decided to see if I could combine the two.” She grinned into her coffee. “And Thor had just come out and the world was wild about it. It gave me the idea for where to start.”  
Tom chuckled. “Always happy to help. I really hope you’ll let me read some of it one day.”  
“I never really meant for anyone to read them, to be honest, I mean I’ve hardly let Chas read much of it, unless I get really stuck and need a different viewpoint. It’s just a personal project to fill the hours. Although if you’re really interested maybe I can email you a few scenes. I can’t promise any of it will make sense though!”  
Tom threw back his head and laughed. Gods, what a beautiful man, she thought, then mentally shook herself. Stop that, Tessa, that’s not what you need to be thinking about.  
“I would, I really would like to read it, if you’re willing to share. So you just haunt random coffee shops and make a mess on their tables to work? Don’t you have an office?” His eyes twinkled as he teased her.  
“I don’t like the quiet,” she said. “It gets too loud and I can’t think. I do my best work surrounded by that kind of chaos.”  
“I can understand that. Do you often get harassed by curious strangers that ask too many questions?” He favoured her with a mischievous grin.   
Tessa laughed. It felt good to laugh, she decided. She hadn’t done enough of it lately. “Not often,” she admitted. “And usually when I do I just ‘scare them off with all things nerdy’ as Chas puts it.”   
That made him laugh again. “Your friend Chas sounds like a very interesting person. I should like to meet him someday. Seriously though, that does work. People seem to be terrified of intelligence these days. It’s unfortunate.”  
“People are afraid of anything that might make them stand out from the crowd. If you’re seen as smart, you could also be seen as dumb. So if they fly under the radar, so to speak, and aren’t seen as either smart or dumb, they feel safer. At least that’s my observation.”  
“A very valid point. Although, a very sorry state the world is in, when average is seen as the best thing to strive for.” Tom glanced out the window, seeming almost sad for a moment. “’When we are born, we cry, that we are come to this great stage of fools…’” He turned back to Tessa. “Do you fancy a walk along the water? We need not go far if you’re tired.”  
“Sure,” said Tessa, smiling at his quote from Shakespeare’s King Lear.   
The restaurant staff brought her shawl as Tom settled the bill and they left the restaurant. Again, Tom offered her his arm. Together they walked, quietly, each enjoying the night, their own thoughts and each other’s presence. They wandered to the end of the pier where they stopped, looking out over the calm, moonlit ocean.  
“Thank you for agreeing to dinner with me tonight, Tessa,” said Tom, turning towards her slightly. “Believe it or not, it isn’t every day that I pick up intelligent, attractive women from coffee shops.”   
She laughed quietly. “Well it’s not every day that I get that sort of offer, or would accept. Not that you gave me much chance to say no.” He grinned sheepishly, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Especially by men like you,” she finished quietly.  
Tessa felt, more than saw, him flip in and out of his Marvel persona. “There are no other men like me,” he said, quoting his character, Loki.  
They laughed together. “That’s a kind of magic itself, how you are able do that. Amazing!”   
Hand in hand they began walking back to the car. All the way to her apartment Tom regaled her with anecdotes of life on the set. They were still laughing when the car pulled to a stop outside her building. He stepped out of the vehicle and held out his hand to assist her.  
Tom offered his arm to her again as they walked to the door of the apartment she shared with Chas. As they stopped outside, Tessa turned to face him, suddenly nervous again. “I had a wonderful time tonight, Tom,” she began, then stopped, having no idea what to say next.  
“As did I, Tessa,” said Tom, taking her hands. “I have to fly out tomorrow afternoon, but I’m back in a couple of weeks. I’d really like to see you again. Would it be okay if I called you?”  
She wanted to say no. She knew it would only lead her to more heartache if she said yes. It’s why she avoided dating in the first place. Besides, he was Tom Hiddleston, a gorgeous, talented, A-list actor who could probably have almost any woman in the world with only a devilish smile and a crook of his finger. She was a widow with two grown children and a lot of baggage. There was no way this could go anywhere. She opened her mouth to tell him so.  
“I’d like that,” she said, surprising herself.   
Tom’s smile was like the sun splitting the clouds. She couldn’t help but smile back. He leaned down brushed her lips with his, ever so gently.  
Tessa felt a million different things at once. She felt on fire, although the night air surrounding them was cool. She felt lightheaded, and thought she might fall if he let go of her hands. She felt other things too, and was trying to ignore them.   
He pulled away and looked down at her, his eyes dark. He bit his lower lip then moistened his lips with his tongue, as if he were still trying to taste her there. “Good night, Tessa,” Tom murmured.  
“Good night,” she whispered back, unable to find her voice. She watched him walk slowly away. As he opened the door to his car he turned and blew her a kiss.  
Tessa pulled out her keys, then leaned her forehead against the door for a moment, feeling completely off balance. Please let Chas be asleep, she thought, then unlocked the door and went in.


	2. Not For Me Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom is back in town and excited to see Tessa again. Tessa is...reluctant to let things progress, haunted by past mistakes. Can Chas help by playing cupid or will it all fall apart?

Tessa sat on the sofa in her condo, her laptop open in front of her. She stared at the screen where an email was open, a carefully polished copy of one of her shorter screenplays attached. She hovered her mouse over the button marked Send, then sighed. Glancing over her shoulder, she looked at the table, where the beautiful bouquet of flowers Tom had sent after their date sat slowly dying.  
She sighed again and looked back at her screen, trying to work up the courage to send the email. Did she really want to do this? What if he thought it was terrible? What if he didn’t even read it? Tessa tried to decide which would be worse.  
She looked up as Chas came bustling in the door, arms loaded with bags of groceries. “I’m home! Tessa, you here?” he called.  
Tessa smiled and set her laptop on the nearby table and went to help Chas with the bags. “Yes, I’m here,” she said. “Here, let me help.”  
He smiled gratefully at her. “Thanks,” Chas said, breathless. “I had the most delightful day today, you’ll never guess. It seems that you aren’t the only one who can attract handsome, mysterious strangers!”  
“Well its not like I was out looking to do that,” Tessa defended herself, laughing. Chas was referring a couple weeks ago, when she went to a nearby coffee shop to work on her writing. Tom Hiddleston, of all people, had sat down at her table and struck up a conversation with her, and they had ended up going out on a date. He had said he was interested in reading the screenplays she was writing as a personal project. She glanced again at the laptop with the email waiting to be sent, then looked back at Chas. “Tell me what happened.”  
She couldn’t resist grinning as Chas gushed about his encounter with the handsome stranger that had come into the book store he owned. They finished putting away the groceries and Tessa made tea while Chas flopped down on the sofa. “And he’s taking me to dinner tonight! His name is Jase,” he grinned, as she brought him a steaming cup.  
“Sounds terrific,” Tessa said, happy for her friend. As bubbly and outgoing as Chas always was, she sometimes wondered that he didn’t date more often. He had always maintained that it would take a special man to hold his attention. As reluctant to date as she was, she supposed she could understand that, and hadn’t asked any more about it.  
They finished their tea and Chas flounced off to prepare for his evening out, and Tessa sighed again. Placing her empty cup on the table, she picked up her laptop, prepared to resume trying to decide if she should actually send Tom the screenplay. She lifted the screen and stared.  
Chas must have pressed send when she wasn’t looking. It looked like the decision was out of her hands. 

***

Two days later, her cell phone rang. “Hello, Tessa,” said a warm voice.  
“Tom,” Tessa breathed. She really shouldn’t let him affect her this way, she knew, but she seemed helpless to stop it.  
“I loved your screenplay. Thank you for sending it to me. I’m truly grateful that you were comfortable enough to share that with me,” Tom said.  
She didn’t tell him that it was actually Chas who had sent it. “Really?” she said, genuinely surprised.   
“Considering you said you’ve never written anything like this before, I think its extremely well done,” he stated. There was a pause before he continued, sounding almost nervous. “So, I’m flying back there this weekend and I was hoping I could see you again.”  
She paused. Her mind screamed that it was a bad idea, she couldn’t afford to let this man get close, to affect her any more than he already. “I don’t know, Tom, I have lectures all week at the university and a conference to attend this weekend…”  
He was quiet for a moment. “Well, I’ll be in the city for three weeks. Perhaps we can find some time next week,” he said.   
“Perhaps,” she conceded.

***

Tom texted or called every couple of days after he flew in. Most times they chatted about minor things, Tom telling her funny stories about something that happened on set or asking questions about her screenplay that he was reading. So far she had managed to dodge any further suggestions of meeting, always claiming to be too busy with her responsibilities at the university. She knew if she saw him again it would make it that much harder to tell him she wasn’t ready to date, that whatever this was between them wouldn’t work. Especially since all she really wanted was to feel his lips on hers again, like when he had kissed her after their date a few weeks ago. She shook her head and sighed, angry for letting herself daydream about something she’d already decided could never happen.   
Tessa began tidying her desk, preparing to leave the now-empty lecture hall. She hadn’t lied about her schedule being hectic this last few days, and she was looking forward to heading back to her condo and maybe indulging in a bubble bath to help calm her frazzled nerves. She was startled out of her reverie by the sound of a gentle knock at the door.  
Tom was leaning casually against the door frame. He smiled and sauntered towards her as she tried to calm the butterflies that had suddenly invaded her stomach.   
“You are not an easy woman to catch up to,” he said, smiling. “Although I thoroughly enjoyed your lecture.”  
He’d been here the whole time? “Thanks,” she smiled. “Though I wonder if my students would agree with you. Most of them only take the class because they think it’s an easy credit.”  
Tom laughed. “Well, if the looks I’ve been getting since I asked the lovely receptionist for directions is any indication, your class just might be about to get a whole lot more popular.”  
Tessa glanced into the hallway, where a number of students and even faculty were trying very hard to make it seem like they weren’t staring directly at them. Her brow furrowed. “Tom, I’m not sure…” she began.  
“Listen, you seemed about to leave when I came in,” Tom interrupted. “Perhaps we could go and talk somewhere more privately?”

***

Tom looked curiously around the condo. “I think your place is beautiful,” he commented.  
“Chas did most of the decorating,” Tessa said. “I….didn’t have much when I moved here.” She busied herself making tea to hide her nervousness while Tom admired the artwork on the walls.   
She placed the teas on the table and sat on the sofa. He sat beside her, close enough that their knees brushed against each other and she found it hard to breathe. Tessa tried to think if she had ever been so affected by the mere presence of a man before, but that brought her too close to memories she couldn’t yet face. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.  
Tom sipped his tea, then set it down and turned towards her. His eyes somehow seemed an even darker blue than she remembered. He reached over and took her small hand in his large one. “Look, I…understand that this is hard for you,” he began. She opened her mouth to speak, but he gestured for her to let him finish. “I get the impression that you’ve not dated much since you moved here, and with what you’ve mentioned you went through before. Of course, if that doesn’t make matters complicated enough, we can add in who I am and what that means to top things up.” She smiled slightly at that, thinking of the looks they’d received as they left the campus together, the cameras flashing, and he smiled back, biting his lip slightly as he often did. “Tessa, I want you to know that I care about you. If you need time and space to decide what you truly want I will respect that. But I am certain that I would really like to get to know you an awful lot better.”  
Tessa swallowed past the lump that seemed to have formed in her throat. Her eyes prickled with unshed tears. He just seemed so sincere. Why couldn’t things just be easier? If only she could be that carefree girl she once was, free to follow her heart’s desire wherever it might lead them. Oh, and she knew where she wanted to follow it. But she wasn’t – couldn’t be – that girl anymore. Angry voices shouting. A door slams and a vehicle engine purrs to life. Half an hour later a phone call that changes everything, and pain, oh, the crushing pain….  
“Tessa?” Tom’s voice pulls her out of her reverie. “Are you alright?”  
“I’m fine,” she said, taking a shaky breath. “I just think….”  
Just then the door opened and a tall, slim man with short dark hair breezed in. He took one look at the two surprised people on the sofa and, with a shrewd look in Tessa’s direction, began talking a mile a minute. “Oh walnuts! Terribly sorry, I wasn’t meaning to interrupt anything. I didn’t know you were planning on having company, Tess.” Coming around the front of the sofa he extended his hand to Tom. “You must be Tom. I’m Chas Taylor. Tessa’s told me so much about you. Although I think you might be even more handsome in person than she said!”  
Tom stood, laughing and shook Chas’ hand politely. “A pleasure. I’ve also heard much about you. I was hoping I would get to meet you.”  
Chas bowed dramatically. “I do live to make dreams come true,” he said, grinning. He turned to Tessa. “I had hoped you were home. I wanted to ask you to come to dinner with Jase and I tonight. I’d like you to meet him. You’ve been so busy the last couple of weeks that I know you could use a break. Its just at his flat. I’ll leave you the address. And Tom, of course, you’ll join us as well, won’t you?”  
Tom looked both bewildered and amused. “Of course, if Tessa will have me.”  
Tessa stood, feeling cornered. She knew exactly what Chas was trying to do and didn’t appreciate it. She summoned a weak smile. “Of course,” she said. “We’ll be there.”  
Chas winked at her. “Excellent,” he exclaimed. “Now, I just stopped in to pick up a few things and I’ll be out of your hair. Toodles!”   
As Chas departed, Tom and Tessa found themselves alone once more. “So that was Chas,” he chuckled. “I believe you were saying something just as he came in?”  
“It’s nothing,” Tessa demurred. “We can talk later.” She couldn’t tell Tom she couldn’t see him anymore when they were expected to dinner in a few hours, and she couldn’t disappoint Chas by not showing up. It seemed she would have to wait.

***

A few hours later, Tom and Tessa pulled up outside the address Chas had left for them. Tom opened her door for her and offered his hand. As they walked to the door, he squeezed her fingers gently. “Is everything okay? You’ve seemed awfully quiet.”  
Tessa gave him a tight smile. “I’m just a little tired. I’ll be alright.”  
He seemed to accept that. Tom rang the bell and a few seconds later a slim blonde man opened the door, dressed casually with an apron over jeans and a long-sleeved shirt that was the exact same shade of blue as his eyes, and a huge grin. “You must be Tessa,” he greeted, inviting them in. “Chas rarely stops talking about you. And of course, Tom, obviously, I’m honoured to meet you. I’m Jase Burke. Thank you for coming.” He seemed almost as exuberant as Chas, who had just flounced into the room and planted a shy kiss on Jace’s cheek. Jace flushed happily and slipped his arm around the smaller man’s waist.  
Chas accepted the champagne that Tom had brought for a dinner gift and the four of them moved into the sitting room. Tom chose a spot on the loveseat and motioned for Tessa to sit beside him. She acquiesced, cursing herself for the way her heart fluttered when Tom’s arm moved around her shoulders. Easy, Tessa, she thought, just make it through the evening. You can do that much for Chas, right? You can figure out what to do about the rest of it later.  
The four of them chatted amicably, Jace occasionally wandering off to check on dinner. As they talked and laughed, Tom absentmindedly rubbed her arm, his long fingers tracing lines and circles and leaving tingling trails of warmth. She shivered softly, and Tom smiled down at her, his blue eyes warm.  
Jace called that the food was ready and they stood to move into the dining room. “I hope you like Italian,” Chas gushed. “Jace makes the best chicken piccata.”  
True to Chas’ word, the meal was delicious. They began with a tangy caprese salad, filled with mozzarella and tiny roma tomatoes and bits of fresh basil drizzled with a light balsalmic dressing. The main course was roast chicken with a savory lemon sauce, paired with creamy mushroom risotto and roasted vegetables. For dessert, Jace served a delectable blackberry panna cotta. Throughout it all, the wine and conversation flowed smoothly.   
They learned that Jace was the head chef at a ritzy new restaurant in the downtown area. Tom regaled them with stories from various movie sets and plays he’d been in. Chas and Tom discussed literature and entertained them by reciting verses of Shakespeare. Tessa laughed at their antics and half-heartedly attempted to join in, but she felt distracted and distanced from the revelry. Occasionally, Tom would meet her gaze, checking in with her wordlessly, concerned. She’d summon a smile for him and comment on whatever Jace and Chas were talking animatedly about.   
Later in the evening, Jace sat down at the piano that was tucked in the corner. He began to play softly, warming up with some classical pieces. Tessa thought he played beautifully. He moved into some more upbeat, modern pieces, Jace singing and Chas harmonizing with him. Tessa noticed the look that passed between the two men as the song ended, warm and conspiratorial, and felt her chest tighten. She was happy for her friend, but it was at the same time bittersweet. She missed having that, the partnership and comradery, but that wasn’t for her anymore. She’d squandered the chance she’d been given, and as far as she was concerned, that was that.  
Jace began playing a slow, romantic song written by Sir Elton John. They listened quietly for a moment, then Tom surprised everyone by beginning to sing.  
The words I have to say  
May well be simple but they're true  
Until you give your love  
There's nothing more that we can do  
Love is the opening door  
Love is what we came here for  
No one could offer you more  
Do you know what I mean  
Have your eyes really seen  
You say it's very hard  
To leave behind the life you knew  
But there's no other way  
And now it's really up to you  
Love is the key we must turn  
Truth is the flame we must burn  
Freedom the lesson we must learn  
Do you know what I mean  
Have your eyes really seen  
Love is the opening door  
Love is what we came here for  
No one could offer you more  
Do you know what I mean  
Have your eyes really seen  
Tessa’s breath caught in her throat. His voice was undeniably beautiful, and he held her eyes as he sang. The lyrics seemed to be arrows launched directly at her heart, and for a moment, for one beautiful moment, she allowed herself to dream. To dream of being held in Tom’s strong arms, of allowing the walls that protected her heart to thaw and crumble, of having all those things again that it seemed so many people took for granted. It could never be though. Not for her. Her chance had come and gone, and she had squandered it.  
As the song ended, Jace and Chas exclaiming over Tom’s performance, Tessa excused herself to the washroom. Closing the door behind her, she leaned against it and willed herself not to cry. She cared about Tom. He was intelligent and thoughtful, incredibly talented, charismatic and suave, and seemed to easily fit into any crowd as if he’d never known how not to belong. He was humble and down to earth, really nothing like she might expect a celebrity of his standing to be. She liked him, and worst of all, she wanted to like him. He made her feel things that she had never expected to feel again, never wanted to feel again; things she had long ago convinced herself were safer to avoid, for everyone’s sake. Tessa wished she could let herself give in, even just for this one night. She knew it could never be, however, and didn’t want Tom to think she’d purposely led him on. She didn’t want to hurt him, any more than she already had to.  
Composing herself once more, she went back to where the men were seated around the living room, talking quietly. Tom jumped up and came over to her as she entered the room. “Is everything alright, darling?”  
“I’m fine, Tom,” she replied. “Just a little tired. I should probably head home.”  
“Of course, you’ve had a long day. Let me get your things.”  
They said their goodbyes to Jace and Chas, and thanked them profusely for the evening. She tried not to be aware of Tom’s hand at the small of her back as he ushered her to the car, or the concerned glances he threw her way as they drove to the condo.   
He parked the car and they sat silently for a moment in the cool, dark interior. “Tessa, did I do something wrong?” Tom asked finally.  
Here it is, thought Tessa sadly. “No, Tom, you’ve been wonderful. I’ve very much enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. Truly.” She was quiet for a moment, thinking how best to say what came next, trying to ignore the pain in her heart. She took a deep breath. “It’s just…I can’t be what you want, Tom. That world isn’t for me, not anymore. I had….everything….and….its my fault it’s gone, and I can’t do that again. I care about you, Tom, and I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”  
There was silence in the car. “Tessa….,” Tom began, then stopped, looking out the window as he pulled in an unsteady breath. “I truly care about you, too. I’m not sure what this is all about, but I wish you would tell me. Please, if we could talk about this, I’m sure we could find a way….”  
Two small tears leaked down Tessa’s face. “I can’t, Tom,” she whispered. “I just can’t….” She opened the car door. “I’m sorry.”  
She could barely see to unlock the door to the condo. As she closed the door behind her, the tears coursed steadily down her cheeks. Grateful that Chas would be out with Jace until late, she threw herself across her bed and sobbed, heartbroken for everything that could never be.   
Later that night, Chas covered her gently with a blanket, having fallen sound asleep after crying her heart out for hours. “Oh Tessa,” Chas whispered softly. “What did you do.” He shook his head softly and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics are from the song 'Love Song' by Sir Elton John


	3. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some time has passed and some healing begun. Tom and Tessa have both moved on...or have they?

Tessa sat in her office at the university. In front of her sat a stack of papers that she was supposed to be grading. She put down her pen and stretched languidly in her chair, glancing out the window. The late spring sunshine looked almost too nice to ignore.  
It had been nearly a year since she had met Tom Hiddleston at a small café near her condo. They had gone out on a couple of dates, but she hadn’t been ready to let go of her past. She’d still blamed herself for her late husband’s death, and had been convinced that she no longer deserved the kind of happiness she’d had before. She had told Tom that she couldn’t see him anymore, even though it had broken her heart.  
She’d spent the next few weeks moping around the apartment, barely eating, missing too much work. She’d stopped writing. She lost weight. She came up with excuse after excuse why she couldn’t spend time with Chas and his boyfriend, Jace. The truth was that their obvious happiness was just another reminder of what she would never have again.  
Chas had been instrumental in putting her back together. He’d gathered most of her friends and family, the dean and several colleagues from the university, even her parents and sons had flown out to see her and express their concern. Faced with so many concerned faces, really an intervention, she’d finally agreed to attend counselling.  
While she hadn’t thought so at the time, she now knew that it had been for the best. Pam, her councillor, had eventually begun to convince her that her late husband Paul’s death hadn’t been her fault. Even though he was out on the roads that night trying to clear his head because of the fight they’d had, he might have come home just fine had the other driver not decided after several drinks that he was still okay to be behind the wheel. If it hadn’t been Paul on the road at that time, it could easily have been someone else.  
It was all things that she’d heard before. Chas, her parents, even her sons, Sebastian and Seth, who had lost their father as she had lost her husband, had all tried to convince her of the same things over the years. It hadn’t worked. She’d been so blinded by her own grief and guilt that she’d felt it was out of pity, not love, that they’d said those things. Deep down she’d believed they’d blamed her as much as she blamed herself.  
Tessa wasn’t sure why it had made such a difference to hear much of the same things from Pam. Maybe it was just that Pam was a professional, trained to deal with this type of situation. Maybe she had just finally been more ready to face the memories and really listen to what Pam was trying to explain to her. She wasn’t sure, she just knew that somehow, this time it had helped. She felt like she was finally alive again, and that at least most of that weight she’d been carrying around on her soul was gone. She still had a long way to go, of course, but she felt better now than she had in years.  
She sighed, looking back at the paper she was trying to grade. Smiling ruefully, Tessa dropped the paper back on the stack of others that were yet ungraded. They could wait. A spring day this beautiful might not. Packing the papers into her briefcase, she left the office.

***

Tessa wandered down a walking path that followed the water’s edge. She wasn’t thinking about anything in particular, only enjoying the crisp, clean breeze, the salt water spray, and the warmth of the sun. A few moments later, she found herself standing at the end of the pier. The last time she had stood here was with Tom, after having dinner with him at a nearby restaurant. It had been dark, as dark as a city gets, illuminated by the strings of lights spreading to either side of the bay and the starlight cast out over the water. He’d been the perfect date, making her laugh with stories from his work and charming her with the passion and excitement he showed in everything he decided to do. He’d kissed her that night too, when he’d dropped her off at her condo. She could still feel the touch of his lips on hers, his large, warm hands holding hers, and all the sensations those touches had caused. She’d still been too broken, though, to let herself believe that she could find happiness again, too convinced that Paul’s death had been her fault, too sure that no one would ever be able to love her if they could only see the blood on her hands. She’d pushed Tom away, told him they couldn’t see each other anymore, although it had broken her heart anew to do so. She wondered if that, as much as everything else, had been what had pushed her to finally agree to counselling.  
She shook herself out of her reverie and continued her walk. There was no point in wondering what could have happened. She hadn’t spoken to Tom since the night she’d told him not to call her anymore, after they’d had dinner with Chas and met his new boyfriend, Jace. She knew the new Avengers movie was being filmed downtown, and she wondered briefly if Tom was in town….but there was no point in wondering. He’d most likely moved on, probably forgotten all about her and all of her baggage, and her silly screenplays.  
She’d stopped writing those. Instead she’d been working on a fiction novel about a woman who was afraid to love again after a relationship that had ended tragically, and how she had gotten through it and become whole again. Admittedly, it was based off her own story. Write what you know, thought Tessa. Isn’t that what they always say? She was nearly done the first draft. She just had to write in the new love interest and the ‘happily ever after’ part. That’s where she was stuck.  
She’d gone on only one date since she’d begun going to therapy. A fellow professor from the university had asked her out. They’d had a nice dinner and attended an art exhibit opening at one of the local galleries. He’d even kissed her at the end of the night, but it definitely hadn’t made her feel the things that Tom’s kiss had. They hadn’t had a second date.  
Tessa climbed into her car and drove back to her condo. She lived here alone now, since Chas had moved in with Jace after they’d become engaged. She set her briefcase on the table, then went to her room to exchange her work clothes for a light sundress and some sandals. Then she paused, still not content being indoors on such a nice day, and if she were honest, not really feeling like being alone either. With a small smile, she scooped up the bag with her writing project, and set off for the coffee shop down the street.

***

Settled at a patio table with a latte and her usual mess of paper spread across the table, Tessa took a moment to enjoy the day. She closed her eyes and soaked in the warm sunshine and soft breeze, allowing a smile to spread across her face. It was a beautiful day.  
“Is this seat taken?”  
Tessa froze. Her mind must be playing tricks on her. She’d spent too much time earlier daydreaming down by the pier, and now she could have sworn….  
She opened her eyes, and forgot how to breathe. Tom was standing right where he had been almost a year ago, wearing a small, almost nervous smirk, and a mischievous glint in his sapphire blue eyes. Gods, but he looked wonderful. Suddenly she realized he had asked her a question, and here she was rudely staring instead of answering.  
“Of course, let me move this mess – I just – sorry, I…….” She couldn’t think. After all this time, after everything that had happened, he was here. She wasn’t sure what to do with that information, or how to feel.  
Tom caught her wrist. “Tessa, I….” he began, tentatively. “If you’d rather I leave I’ll understand.”  
Tessa hesitated. Acutely aware of his fingers loosely holding her wrist, his presence, and the smell of his cologne lightly wafting on the breeze, she was only sure of one thing. She didn’t want him to leave. “Stay,” she managed to whisper.  
Tom’s smile was brighter than the spring sunlight that she’d come to the café seeking. She couldn’t help but smile back at him as they sat quietly, simply looking at each other, each privately wondering if this was real, after so long, that they were actually here, together.  
He cleared his throat. “We’re filming nearby, but I was finished for the day, and I just thought….I wondered….I missed you,” Tom finished quietly.  
Tessa could hardly believe what was happening. Tom was here. And after what she’d done, what she’d said to him, he missed her? How could this be real?  
She looked at him, her eyes filling with tears. “Oh, Tom,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.” One tear, then another, dripped down her cheeks, and then suddenly, Tom was there. He pulled her into his arms and simply held her as her tears ran freely. She clutched him as though she expected him to disappear into thin air, like one of her daydreams. He kissed the top of her head and whispered that it was okay, that she had nothing she needed to apologise for. As she fought to calm herself, she became aware of his broad shoulders, now damp with her tears, the warmth of his arms, his hand as her stroked her hair gently. She realized they were still standing in the middle of the café patio, and she reluctantly moved away, embarrassed to have caused a scene. A camera flashed somewhere, and she blushed furiously, trying to hide her tear stained face and wishing they could be anywhere else.  
Tom seemed to agree. “Is there somewhere more private that we could talk?” he asked.  
Tessa nodded. “My condo,” she said.  
His arm slid around her small shoulders as he guided her past the flashing cameras to his car. Tessa didn’t look around, but she heard Tom politely decline autographs and photo requests. Closing the car door behind him, he waved to the gathering crowd as he walked around the car to get in himself. Sliding into the driver’s seat, he gave Tessa a warm smile and they drove away from the crowds.

***

Tom and Tessa talked for hours on the sofa at her condo. Tessa told Tom about attending counselling and how it was helping her understand that she had unfairly blamed herself for her husband’s death. She told him how Chas had gathered her family and friends and made her see how she was punishing herself. She told him that she still had a long way to go, but she was feeling more like herself than she had in years.  
Tom told her that he’d been so upset after she’d left that night, that he’d spent the rest of the night driving aimlessly around the city. He’d ended up back at the pier they’d walked to the evening of their first date, where he sat for hours, just thinking. At that time of the night there were no crowds to interrupt him, no photographers or fans seeking autographs. He’d sat with his back to the water and watched the rising sun illuminate the sleeping city. Then, he’d gotten in his car and driven to Chas’ bookstore.  
He’d sat and talked with Chas for over an hour, trying to understand what had gone wrong. Chas had been reluctant to say much, out of loyalty to her, but had managed to explain that it wasn’t him that was the issue, that Tessa would need to put herself back together before being able to be with him, or anyone. He’d encouraged Tom to use that time to decide what it was he really wanted, and perhaps if he decided it was her, another chance might present itself in the future. But he would have to be patient.  
That was news to Tessa. Chas had never mentioned having talked to Tom about her. Although, when she thought about it, she wasn’t surprised. In those first few weeks after she’d last seen Tom, she’d not wanted to talk to anyone about anything, especially about Tom. Chas, she knew, was also not above keeping such secrets if he felt it could cause more harm than good. She couldn’t be angry with Chas for having done what he thought was best in that situation.  
Ultimately, Tom had decided to wait. He’d spent the last year immersed in his work, both professional and humanitarian. He’d talked to Chas a few times, mostly to ask how she was doing. A mutual respect had also grown between the two men, slowly turning into friendship, and Tom mentioned how he was looking forward to spending some time with Chas and Jace if his schedule and theirs permitted.  
They talked about her hopes for her future, how she hoped at some point to be able to give up the lectures at the university and write full time. He talked about the challenges of being so well known in the world, the difficulties of having relationships in the spotlight of the public eye.  
She’d already learned a little about that, between the cameras and crowds that followed him any time they were out and seeing her face splashed across tabloid magazines with ridiculous headlines after having been seen with Tom only a couple of times last year. She knew that there was a lot more about it that she didn’t know, but right now she was just so happy that he was there with her that she couldn’t have cared less about the rest of the world. One question still stuck in her mind, however.  
“Why me, Tom?” Tessa asked. “You could have anyone you ever wanted. I’m just a nerdy university professor with somewhat obscure interests, grown children, and far too much baggage. I’m not from your world of paparazzi and red carpets and glamour.”  
He thought for a moment, then took a deep breath. “That first day, at the coffee shop, when you realized who I was…you weren’t intimidated. You were embarrassed when you thought I might have been insulted by your obvious intelligence, which was silly by the way,” Tessa smiled, amused. “You are beautiful, Tessa. But more than that you’re smart and not afraid to show it. You’re strength is undeniable. We all have scars if we make it this far in life, but you…you’re a warrior.”  
Tom collected his thoughts. “This life I lead…it’s not for the faint of heart. It can be grueling, and I’m not just talking about the cameras and the media circuses and the fans. It’s not the parties and the people and their agendas. It’s not the travel and the rehearsals and the filming and the press conferences. It’s all of it, together, in one big messy package, and it would take an incredibly strong person to handle all of that. And…I’d like to think you have what it takes. If that’s what you want, of course.”  
Tessa thought about everything he’d said. A year ago she would have called him a fool. Now? She just barely felt as if she had her feet back under her after the last storm. Was she ready to walk directly into the path of a new one so soon?  
“I don’t know if I have what it takes to make it in your world, Tom,” she admitted. “I don’t know if I’m nearly as strong or as smart as you think. There’s a lot I don’t know, about all of this. But what I do know? Is that I was sure this ship had sailed last year, and even though that was my own fault…I can’t regret what happened then, because it was the catalyst that finally got me to seek counselling, that helped me decide that I needed to put myself back together. I’ve come a long way, but I still have a long way left to go. But if part of that journey is to step out of my comfort zones and push to learn about myself and the world, well…I’d really like to do that with you,” she finished shyly.  
As they sat together in companionable silence, holding each other’s hand like each thought the other would disappear if they let go, they slowly realized how dark it had gotten outside. Checking the time, they realized hours had passed. As if on cue, Tessa’s stomach growled loudly. They laughed, and she stood to see if there was anything in her pantry they could make a meal out of, since neither of them wanted to leave the small condo. Tom also stood, and before she could walk away he turned her to face him. He reached up and brushed a strand of her hair away from her face.  
“Tessa,” he murmured. He started to say something more but instead changed his mind, and with a shaky breath he bent down and kissed her.  
He was gentle at first, cautious, worried lest he scare her off again. This time, however, she knew it was right; she knew this was what she wanted, he was what she wanted. She returned his kiss and relaxed into his arms. He groaned quietly and deepened the kiss. They stayed there, in that kiss, for minutes and eons, each basking in the sensations of the other’s embrace, the other’s kiss, the other’s presence. Neither of them wanted it to ever end.  
It was the door to the condo opening that finally brought them out of each other. Chas had come in, followed closely by Jace, both laden with bags of takeout Chinese food. Chas had kept his spare key to the condo so he could check on Tessa, just as Tessa had a spare key for their flat to check on things when they were away. The two men stopped in their tracks when they realized that Tessa wasn’t alone, and just what it was that they had interrupted. Tessa flushed and hid her face in Tom’s shirt, though she was smiling.  
As usual, it was Chas who recovered first, grinning from ear to ear. “Tom!” he exclaimed. “Delightful to see you! Listen, we weren’t going to stay, but we thought Tessa might be hungry. I can see she’s in excellent hands, however, so I think we should be going. Right, Jace?” With a conspiratorial smile at his lover, Chas began herding the taller man towards the door. Jace was smiling broadly.  
“Come on, Chas,” chided Tessa. “You know there’s more food there than I could eat alone in a month.” She looked up at Tom, who was smiling down at her. They had time, now. Whatever happened, they could figure it out. She looked back at her friends. “Let’s eat.”  
Laughing together, the four of them sat down to eat. Tessa looked at the three men at her table that had all become so dear to her. She sighed with contentment and leaned into Tom’s side, his arm around her, and all the possibilities in the world in front of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possibly the last chapter of this one. I'm not sure if I'll continue with Tom and Tessa or write a brand new fic, but I think I'm addicted!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fiction, and honestly the first time I've shared any of my writing. No idea if I've done any of this right - but I had fun with it and I think that's what counts. At least a couple more chapters to come. Comments appreciated!


End file.
